Tired, Wired, and Over It? Here's the Self-Care You Actually Need

Li Tan
Jul 28
7 min read

You didn’t become a mother to lose yourself. You didn’t sign up to forget your own voice, run on autopilot, or be so burnt out that you can’t even think straight, let alone dream.

But motherhood—beautiful, chaotic, exhausting—can swallow you whole if you're not careful. And most of us weren’t taught how to care for ourselves in a way that’s sustainable, soul-deep, and grounded in who we really are. We were taught to cope. To hustle. To keep the peace. To please.

Intuitive self-care isn’t about taking a break. It’s about taking your life back.

It’s about creating space—so you can hear your own thoughts again. Feel what your body is saying. Make choices that are yours. Live a life that reflects who you are becoming, not just who you’re expected to be.

And the best part? It doesn’t have to be overwhelming. You can start with small, powerful steps that meet you right where you are—messy hair, unfinished laundry, reheated coffee and all.

But first, let’s anchor in two important ideas.

What is Matrescence?

Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother—not just biologically, but emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. Just like adolescence, it’s a transformation. Your hormones shift, your identity shifts, your priorities shift. And yet, society barely acknowledges it.

When you feel lost or confused in motherhood, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because you’re changing.

Recognising matrescence is the first step to self-compassion—and intuitive self-care.

What is Ayurveda?

Ayurveda is an ancient Indian system of medicine that sees health as a balance between mind, body, spirit, and environment. It teaches that we all have a unique constitution, made up of three energies called doshas:

Vata (air + space): creative, quick, prone to anxiety and overwhelm
Pitta (fire + water): focused, passionate, prone to burnout or irritability
Kapha (earth + water): nurturing, grounded, prone to fatigue or stagnation

When our doshas go out of balance—like when we’re overworked, underslept, or disconnected from ourselves—we feel it. Ayurveda helps us bring that balance back.

So What Does This All Mean for You, Mama?

When you’re running on empty, pulled in all directions, it’s hard to pause — let alone care for yourself in a meaningful way. But here’s the truth:

You are not broken. You’re moving through matrescence — a massive identity shift, like adolescence but for motherhood — and your body, brain, heart, and spirit are all evolving.

Ayurveda teaches that we are not machines. We are nature.

Just like the moon cycles or seasons, we change. What works for one person might not work for you. Your needs shift across the day, month, and life seasons — especially in motherhood.

That’s where intuitive self-care comes in. Not the performative kind — but the kind that helps you remember who you are underneath the roles and responsibilities.

Here’s how ancient wisdom helps us find our way back:

1. Agni — Your Digestive & Life Fire

In Ayurveda, Agni is the fire that helps you digest food, experiences, emotions, and thoughts. When it’s weak, you feel foggy, tired, and stuck. When it’s strong, you have the fuel to think clearly, feel stable, and face motherhood with resilience.

🔥 Self-care aligned with Agni:

Eat warm, cooked meals to support digestion and reduce overwhelm.
Use spices like ginger, cumin, or fennel to gently stoke your fire.
Create a predictable rhythm for meals and rest — your digestion and mind thrive on routine.

2. Sattva — Your Inner Calm & Clarity

Sattva is the state of peace, presence, and purity of thought. When your mind is sattvic, you're less reactive, more intuitive, and connected to your deeper self. But constant noise, stimulation, or rushing throws you into Rajas (agitation) or Tamas (heaviness). When you create space for sattva, you shed overwhelm and confusion, and start living with purpose—not just reacting to endless to-dos and pressures.

🧘‍♀️ Self-care aligned with Sattva:

Meditate or sit in quiet for even two minutes to create mental spaciousness.
Spend time in nature, reduce screen time, and absorb beauty (light a candle, listen to gentle music).
Reflect in a journal, especially at the start or end of the day, to reconnect with your own truth.

3. Nervous System Regulation — From Survival to Safety

Your nervous system can't heal or think clearly when it's constantly in fight, flight, or freeze. True intuitive living requires feeling safe enough to tune in. Ayurveda doesn’t separate the mind and body — what soothes your body, soothes your thoughts. Using simple breathwork and gentle movement, you can pull yourself out of overwhelm and anxiety—rewriting old patterns so you respond with calm and clarity instead of chaos.

💆‍♀️ Self-care aligned with nervous system health:

Try self-massage (abhyanga) with warm oil or lotion — it’s like telling your body: You’re safe. You’re held.
Prioritise rest — naps, early nights, even 5 minutes lying on the floor with your eyes closed.
Focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking scrambles your focus and keeps you in stress mode.

4. Sangha — Your Community of Care

In yogic and Ayurvedic tradition, Sangha is your intentional community — those who help you remember who you are. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Your body and brain regulate through safe relationships. This is the missing piece in most modern self-care.

🤝 Self-care aligned with Sangha:

Make time for deep connection — even one honest chat with someone who sees you.
Join spaces where you can be real — not perform. (e.g. women’s circles, group coaching, group chats)
Let others support you. You’re not meant to do this alone — and asking for help is strength, not weakness.

🌿 What Self-Care Looks Like With Kids Around

If you’ve got young kids climbing on you, asking for snacks, or needing you every minute — I see you. This season of life can feel like your body and time aren’t your own. But this is exactly why intuitive self-care matters. It’s not about escaping your children — it’s about being more present with yourself even while you're with them. Many of these practices can happen with your children in the room (or even on your lap). You can sip warm tea while they play, oil your feet while reading bedtime stories, or breathe deeply during nappy changes.

Let your self-care be visible to your children — you’re teaching them something powerful: that caring for ourselves is normal, loving, and essential. This is the heart of embodied motherhood — not perfection, but presence.

1. Start the day with warm water or tea, not your phone.

This grounds your vata (overthinking, scattered energy) and gently activates digestion. It signals to your nervous system that you are the first priority—not emails, not texts, not Instagram.

2. Give yourself a 3-minute pause before making decisions.

Matrescence rewires your brain. You need more space to hear your inner voice. A short pause lets your body respond instead of react. It’s how you shift from chaos to clarity.

3. Eat warm, cooked meals—especially during stressful times.

Cold/raw food increases vata, which can lead to feeling more anxious or “ungrounded.” Warm food is easier to digest and calms your system. Even a warm veggie soup or oats with cinnamon can make a big difference.

4. Oil massage (Abhyanga) once a week—or even just your feet before bed.

Massaging your body with warm sesame or almond oil calms the nervous system, supports hormone balance, and grounds scattered energy. It’s a way of literally touching yourself back into your body—especially helpful when you feel disconnected or numb.

5. Weekly Soul Circle or Sisterhood Check-In.

Sharing vulnerably in a safe group reduces shame and isolation—common in matrescence. Your nervous system relaxes when it feels witnessed. Whether it’s a community Facebook group chat or a 30-minute Zoom, it gives you a mirror to see your growth.

6. Do one thing alone outside the house each week.

Solitude is sacred. Even a 20-minute walk or sitting at a café helps you feel like a person again—not just a parent. It also helps regulate cortisol (your stress hormone) and allows new thoughts to surface.

Slowing down and resting is the key to calm

7. Let yourself nap or rest - without guilt.

Kapha needs rest to avoid burnout. Resting when your body asks is intuitive wisdom. And when you honour it, you slowly rebuild trust with yourself.

8. Practice “no multitasking” for 10 minutes a day.

Constant multitasking is a trauma response. Give your brain and body a break. Just drink your tea. Just watch your child play. It rewires your nervous system for presence, not panic.

9. Join a body-based group class: yoga, dance, walking group.

Movement clears stagnant kapha, balances pitta, and grounds vata. Group movement also increases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which helps you feel safe, connected, and motivated.

10. Put your feet on the earth every day. Literally.

Grounding (earthing) reduces inflammation and regulates your circadian rhythm. Ayurveda teaches that direct connection with the Earth balances all doshas.

11. Name your emotions out loud. “I feel…”

Naming your emotions helps shift them from the amygdala (reactive brain) to the prefrontal cortex (rational brain). It’s emotional alchemy. It brings awareness to what’s really going on under the surface.

12. Create a 5-minute morning or evening ritual.

Ritual creates rhythm, and rhythm calms the nervous system. Light a candle. Pull a card. Breathe. Write one sentence. This is less about what you do and more about the sacred pause.

13. Eat meals at the same time each day.

Ayurveda and neuroscience both say this anchors your digestion, hormones, and energy levels. Your body loves rhythm. It helps you feel less chaotic and more stable—even if everything else is messy.

14. Ask for help.

Matrescence invites us to grow beyond old stories of independence. Asking for help is a radical act of intuition. It allows others to step in and lets you receive—a skill many of us are still learning.

15. Reflect monthly on how you’ve changed.

Matrescence is slow and subtle. A simple journaling ritual (“How am I different this month?”) helps you track your evolution and build self-trust. It’s your mirror. Your anchor. Your map.

Intuitive self-care isn’t a checklist—it’s a relationship. A relationship with your body, your inner knowing, your rhythm, your truth.

There’s no gold star for doing it perfectly. But there is a deeper, richer, more grounded version of you waiting to emerge when you give yourself space to listen.

So maybe tonight, do one thing at a time. Maybe tomorrow, you message a friend. Maybe this week, you eat one warm, nourishing meal.

That’s where it starts. Start simple.